It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy my lunches it’s just an “inconvience” to him. Buying lunch it’s warm all the time right away. He doesn’t have to wait for the microwave at work. Although, he could eat lunches cold and he really doesn’t like sandwiches.
But he never wants to talk about money EVER!!! And he needs to know that even though he needs tools for work (he’s a mechanic) he needs to know how much he has to spend on tools a month and not start a tab with the Snap-On truck 27% (in Canada anyway) interest on that tab is killing us.
I do know that he was never taught about finances by his parents. His parents are quite muddy with money and I don’t want to have to be a mother to him and give him an allowance. I should be able to tell him and ask him what is acceptable and maybe set aside an amount of money every month and say that’s what WE can afford in the way of tools and then the rest goes to everything else.
His tool buying has stopped us from being able to save anything and at this moment our boys have started to take on his spending as that’s how life is and mommy is just a penny pincher. How aggeravting that is. So now his influencing the boys and making it hard for us to get ahead.
This is such a hard problem. In our marriage I always heard about how his mother kept the house so wonderfully clean, she always put her husband first, she always gave without asking for anything, and the bills were always paid. Well, his mother had five daughters to help with the housework. She remarried when her kids were teens so I expect that she was just being a newlywed. When I gave our kids chores he took them away, said his kids didn’t need to help me keep the house clean. He took all the credit for the good things and gave me the blame for all the bad stuff including the financial troubles. Anyone want to guess why we’re divorced? Oh, by the way since the divorce nothing has changed for him but I’ve got checking and savings accounts plus was approved for a credit card ($200 limit, paid in full every month). All of my bills are paid. He’s got one savings account (can’t have checking due to owed money for closed account), no credit card, and his credit score is in the pits. And he still thinks he can buy a house in the next couple of years.
Tell your husband that both of you need to sit down and talk about things. Leave the kids with someone else for a few hours. Or if the kids are old enough start talking with them. Try starting with the basics like this is our income for the month and we have to pay these bills (rent, mortgage, car insurance) and we need money for these things (groceries, gas, lunch money). My kids didn’t get it until I showed them my expected monthly income then subtracted all the bills and other things. And I also compared the leftover bit with things they can relate to such as how many rented movies or video games it would cover.
I completely feel everyone’s frustration on this point. It’s *very* difficult to work towards financial stability if you’re the only one who apparently has that goal. If anyone knows the key to convincing spouses that it’s a good idea to pay down debt, save for the future, and live within a budget, please share.
Vivian, I think it’s great you started educating your kids early about finances–that’s one thing my parents missed with me, and now look where I am.
There’s a book I know of called “How to Debt Proof Your Kids” that might give some more pointers on raising kids with some kind of financial literacy.
My biggest problem is their dad still takes no responsibility. He’s facing the possibility of being evicted. his solution is to move in with us for a few weeks. Didn’t want to get into an argument in front of the kids but he’s not moving in with me. It helps that I rent 2nd floor apartment and my parents are in the 1st floor apartment. they also don’t want him living here.
After the divorce I was homeless for about five months but was able to live in a motel room. No fridge but I could have a microwave and a cooler kept stuff cold. My mom works in a restaurant and she gave me ice from there. State agencies give you more help if you’re homeless (place with no kitchen really helps). So yeah I do feel sympathy for the ex but after nearly four years of freedom I really don’t want him around any more.