Monthly Archives: February 2016

Significant others Participation

Hi all,

I’ve been reading all the questions and suggestions that have been going on recently and I have tried to get my significant other to do the same.

At this moment we are about $50,000 in total debt. Although two pieces of debt are low interest and the hishest balances I’m not that worried about it. I have my significant others income directly being deposited into my account because of the fact nothing would get paid otherwise.

As much as I try to include my other in the financial decisions he just doesn’t want to hear it as it “gives him a headache” (in my opinion he’s being a baby) I’m the one who budgets and he’s the one that is trying to spend the money that we don’t have.

How in the world am I suppose to have his participation when he can’t even sit down to look at a budget that I have made so that he knows how much money we have?

Any ideas? I really hate that he calls me his personal financial planner after I went to school for accounting and personal finance. He would spend the debt payments if he had access to my debit card. And he begs for money for lunch right after I made him lunch. Last time he needed money he even took a $500 loan at – can you believe it?

He calls you that because in a sense, you ARE being his finance advisor and even controlling the income/outgo.

Remind this guy there is no free lunch If you choose to make his lunch, simply point to the lunch on the counter as he sticks his hand out wanting money for lunch (That’s insulting if you make him a lunch but he’d rather buy one, eh?). If he balks and says he doesn’t like the lunches you make, offer him a guided tour of the kitchen and let him make his own. Guys do that a lot I think, because in many cases, we let them.

Maybe you two could sit down and figure out what you’re both happy (or unhappy) with. Everyone needs their dignity, and it sounds from your letter like your dear spouse has given up some of his. At least, you seem to view it that way, hence “he begs for lunch money”.

Even if you handle the bills and finances, he should be in on your decisions. In a way, it’s good that he recognizes that you are better at keeping track of this stuff. Trust me. 🙂 My spouse fights me all the way, despite the fact that I have at least some clue as to how to deal with personal finances. Anyway, your husband might be fine with both of you having an “allowance” of some kind for spending money, while you take care of the bigger financial picture.

It may give him a headache – heck, it gives all of us a headache! – but I think it really is necessary that both of you discuss things and come to an agreement.

In the meantime, remember to be grateful that he’s working, willing to hand over the financial upkeep to you, and recognizes that that’s not his strength. You’ve got a good foundation there.

Okay, I’ll stop rattling on now. Your message struck close to home for me so I had a lot to say. Good luck!